Three years as a blogger!

Three years ago today I began this blog. A new start because we were about to have a new start; a baby was set to arrive six weeks later. I look at my life then and my life now, and am amazed at the difference three years brings. While there is a degree of sameness – I am still a stay at home mom and part time freelance writer/editor, I live in the same house in the same town, I hang out with many of the same friends – there is so much that is different.

Three years ago we had just returned from a trip to visit friends in California and the concrete convention in Las Vegas. Traveling was easier with one child, and we haven’t attempted it with two yet. Three years ago Kyle was still in that middle ground of baby turning into toddler turning into preschooler. Now he is such a big boy; off on his own in school, doing things without his mom by his side. It is Erin who has not only arrived in our lives, but arrived at that middle ground of baby turning into toddler turning into preschooler.

While I was a parent three years ago, my parenting role has changed immensely today. Parenting a five year old means that he is old enough to fully comprehend what it is I am asking him to do and why. In a way this makes it easier, but oh so much more frustrating when he doesn’t respond how I want him to. And frustrating when he wants to exert his independence, and I’d rather my shepherd-wannabe be a sheep. Erin is a bit easier right now for the most part, but she also has an independent streak that may surpass Kyle’s. She wants to do everything herself, and make up her own mind about whether she does what you want her to do. I have trying days indeed!

Almost harder than parenting my children, is the role I now find myself in of parenting my parents. With my children I am their mother. My role as an authoritarian figure is defined and expected. It is up to me to steer them in a direction that will enable them to be good, responsible, productive members of society. With my aging parents I can see what is happened to them. My mind and my heart know the answers and solutions, yet my parents remain unconvinced.

When it was their turn to raise me into a good, responsible, productive member of society they excelled. They guided me to be a person who tries to do the right thing. Even when doing the right thing with them, the very thing that must be done to literally keep my mother alive, leaves me as the target of their anger. So this mode of parenting I find myself in with them leaves me questioning myself every moment of every day. It helps that my sister and I have been firmly backed by our family and my parents’ network of friends, and even the court system that we had to turn to, but it does not stop the soul searching.

So the past three years has brought much parenting joy to my days. My husband and children so openly love me that my heart overflows. Even when my kids are in trouble, they are seeking my love – and of course they get it. And when they’re not in trouble, the love is even better! It helps soften the hardness often left in my heart by the actions and inactions of my parents in the past eight months.

My new and unexpected parenting my parents role has had an affect on this blog. It almost doesn’t exist right now, because of a lack of time since I have spent so much time down there, and also because it’s been a depressing time. But, now that I am regaining time lost to caring for them, I am going to make a concerted effort to blog more. Now that I am replacing some of my bitterness with the joy of my immediate family, and the arrival of spring in more ways than one, I aim to cheerfully post!

Welcome back blog, happy three years! And welcome back me.